23 Feb

Cynical inspiration…

It’ll get better.

If I hear it again I swear I will etch that saying into a stick and beat someone with it.

I’m serious.

one-day-things-will-get-better

Look. If you can’t tell me precisely WHEN it will get better then I am calling bullshit on your whole theory that it will.

You said it as though you knew for sure…so it would be reasonable to believe that you not only know it will get better but that you know the precise day, month, year, hour, minute and second that it will get better…

No? Oh…I see. *cough* bullshitter *cough*

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You: “There’s cake if you would like some.”

Me: “I’d love some cake thanks.”

You: *staring blankly at me*

Me: “So…should I help myself…or…”

You: “I don’t know…I was just saying there’s cake if you want some.”

Me: “Is it your cake?”

You: “Oh no…that Universe guy  brought it in…the one with the big chip on his shoulder; standing next to those skanky Fate sisters.”

Me: “Did Mr. Universe say anything when he brought the cake? Like “Help yourselves…grab a slice…?”

You: “No, it is kind of assumed that everyone will get cake.”

Me: ” When?”

You: “No idea…I’m sure you’ll get some…just wait.”

Me: ” Who the fuck brings cake to a party and then just lets it sit there without any mention of eating it? No invitation to eat it? No announcement…”

You: “Oh yeah…he did say there would be cake for everyone.”

Me: “When?”

You: “Like I said…I have no idea…I was only telling you there was cake if you wanted some…just passing along the message…that’s it.”

Me: “Well that’s bullshit…so you’re just standing here telling everyone they’ll get cake without knowing for certain that everyone will get cake.

You: “No I know we’ll all get cake. Mr. Universe said so.”

Me: ” Have you ever seen anyone get cake?”

You: *sighing heavily* “No…I haven’t…look you’re starting to get on my nerves…can’t you just accept that you will get cake and leave it at that?”

Me: “No. You don’t tell people they can have some fucking cake and then not give them specific details on when and how to get that cake…it’s not right. You shouldn’t mess with people like that. That’s an asshole move man. Just sayin.”

You: “Okay…You WILL get cake…why isn’t that enough?”

Me: “WHY isn’t that enough? Well because I need cake, I love cake, I want cake….and it is really shitty to be told there is cake if I want it, and I do, but that there is no timeline for getting a piece…so how do I know…and how do you know for that matter that anyone will even get cake at all. Mr. Universe said so and you just believe everything he says? Do you even know the guy?”

You: “Nope. never met him. Why would he lie?”

Me: “To keep everyone waiting and wanting for cake of course…and to see how many people would go around telling everyone else there was cake that apparently no one will ever get. It’s a vicious fucking circle…everyone walking around wondering about cake and being assured they will get a piece, yet not one person here has a fucking piece of cake!”

You: “For the last time…you WILL get cake! Just go…go about your business…live your life…and you will get cake.”

Me: *incredulous* “W-H-E-N…when will I get cake…when you offer up the cake, the reasonable assumption is that the sharing, dividing of and/ or consumption of the cake is going to occur relatively expediently, and/ or within a reasonable time frame. When you offer said cake to someone you implant the expectation in their mind and the immediate and natural response is to enquire as to ‘when’ said cake will be dispersed…if you cannot answer that one simple question as to ‘WHEN’ then you have no business telling anyone with any level of certainty that they will in fact get cake. It is irresponsible.”

You: “You’re an asshole.”

Me: “So…about this cake…”

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You see? So when you tell me “It’ll get better.”  and you don’t offer up a time line or present me with a fucking spreadsheet or send me an outlook calendar invitation to the event…I call bullshit.

You simply cannot know it will get better.

Oh….you hope it gets better?

Why didn’t you just say so?